ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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