Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
