So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
