my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
