Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
