In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
love makes seman taste better
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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