My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
