Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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