everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
