dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
