so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
