Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize