Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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