halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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