Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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