Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
