i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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