they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
