He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
