Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize