Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
