Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
