i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
