k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
