idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
