addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's always time for handjobs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
