he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
