tell your sister to shave her snatch
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
