..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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