sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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