Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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