My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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