theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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