Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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