so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize