All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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