Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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