i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Farmville is her only friend.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
