I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
