so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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