if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
