I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
