And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
