Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
