Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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