weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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