Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
