i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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