Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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