maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just invented taco cereal.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
