i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
