nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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