Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So many bounce houses so little time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
