I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
