Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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