I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
