So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
