Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
