Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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