well I can't set my house on fire every night
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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