I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
