I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize