took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
