this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
