This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
