I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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