Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
