Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
